Me in a muddle!!

I haven't been on here in over a year! So many changes have happened in our lives, I don't know where to begin.
I guess the first thing that comes to mind is my Dad. Nearing the end of the year 2009. When it first happened I scribbled a few words on a crumpled piece of paper. I came across it today.

Sitting in the bedroom folding the washing, sweating and wishing it was all done.
The phone rings, it's late, I scream out "leave us alone" with a smile on my face.
I pick up the handset, "hello" and I hear the desperate voice. I drop to my knees and scream as though I had been stabbed in the chest. My mind swirls as though it's a big black nothing and my hands are shaking. "Im coming, I'm coming" I hear myself say.

That's as much as I wrote, but I intend to finish the "story" one of these days.
My Dad had a massive stroke. Totally unexpected, totally heartbreaking, lessons totally learned.

I guess another big event was that the girls went back into the school system. I have regretted that decision ever since I made it. I think I was too hasty because I felt out of control, just having had a new baby and feeling the need to care for my parents. I wish I had stopped for a moment and taken a breath and realized that those feelings would pass. I miss home school and the tender feelings that come with having my children learning and growing with me.
Recently they have asked to come home again. You would think that I would be jumping for joy yet I'm a muddled mess!! The thing is I don't trust myself anymore. What if other trials come (and they are sure too) and I freak out again? I don't want to be one of those Mother's who pull their kids in and out of school. So I battle with myself everyday. One minute yes! the next minute No!
Arghhh my head hurts !

Little by little

I love Saturdays. More acurately, I love Saturdays when we stay home. There is something very gratifying about a good days work around the house. I am not sure if I am odd in this way but I prepare for Saturdays with lists of "to do" items and I always seem to have more energy and interest in the Saturday jobs than the during the week jobs.
I was hanging the washing on the verandah where there was a cool breeze, a much welcome breeze in this stinking hot February day. I could hear the mower going off in the distance where Jason was down in the paddock slashing, the girls were happily playing together and I felt happy. I mean like really happy!!
There are so many jobs and projects that we have planned for our new home and I sometimes get impatient and want to do it all NOW!! But little by little we are getting there. Today's big job was to plant some more fruit trees down in the orchard.

Decision made

I have made the decision to send little miss 4 to kindy this year. I have had her name on the waiting list for a few years but when I received the letter last year offering her a place I declined thinking it would be to much hassle to drag my other 4 kids down there to drop her off. Recently I have been regretting that decision and gave the kindy a call. Yes! they had one spot left for Monday and Tuesdays. It was meant to be said the teacher, who had had that spot free for a little while but for some reason didn't make the call to offer it to someone else - meant to be :-) These two beautiful ladies have taught my 3 older girls and they have been an important part of our children's education and growth over the years. Now it's miss 4's turn to paint and glue and sing and dressup and all the other fantastic experiences that come with Kindy. We had an orientation day today and she loved it!! Her little cousin master 3 and her are in the same class which can only mean one thing - DOUBLE TROUBLE.

I haven't been feeling the best for about 4 days now and I secretly in the back of my mind feel like I am pregnant AGAIN!! I mentioned this to miss 11 and she was upset to say the least. She doesn't want anymore brothers or sisters. When asked why it came out that she doesn't get enough "Mummy time" as it is. Oh dear! Only one of me and 5 of them. I will have to concentrate a bit more on one on one time this year.

Visited Nanna today in the nursing home. She was very confused. She has dementia. As I sat on her red couch and tried to have a conversation that she would understand, my mind rewound back to Nanna in her younger years. How could such a beautiful strong woman be reduced to this. How I wish my children could have known her when she could remember who we were and how I wish now that she could know just how much we love her xx

Was so organized with dinner tonight because I knew my spunky husband was taking miss 11 and miss 9 out on the boat for some fishing. When smoke came billowing out of the oven I twigged that something was not right. Oh no! I somehow put the plastic chopping board in the oven as well as the food and it was dripping and melting all through the racks. See even when I try to be super organized it doesn't work out. Ho hum :-(