Me in a muddle!!

I haven't been on here in over a year! So many changes have happened in our lives, I don't know where to begin.
I guess the first thing that comes to mind is my Dad. Nearing the end of the year 2009. When it first happened I scribbled a few words on a crumpled piece of paper. I came across it today.

Sitting in the bedroom folding the washing, sweating and wishing it was all done.
The phone rings, it's late, I scream out "leave us alone" with a smile on my face.
I pick up the handset, "hello" and I hear the desperate voice. I drop to my knees and scream as though I had been stabbed in the chest. My mind swirls as though it's a big black nothing and my hands are shaking. "Im coming, I'm coming" I hear myself say.

That's as much as I wrote, but I intend to finish the "story" one of these days.
My Dad had a massive stroke. Totally unexpected, totally heartbreaking, lessons totally learned.

I guess another big event was that the girls went back into the school system. I have regretted that decision ever since I made it. I think I was too hasty because I felt out of control, just having had a new baby and feeling the need to care for my parents. I wish I had stopped for a moment and taken a breath and realized that those feelings would pass. I miss home school and the tender feelings that come with having my children learning and growing with me.
Recently they have asked to come home again. You would think that I would be jumping for joy yet I'm a muddled mess!! The thing is I don't trust myself anymore. What if other trials come (and they are sure too) and I freak out again? I don't want to be one of those Mother's who pull their kids in and out of school. So I battle with myself everyday. One minute yes! the next minute No!
Arghhh my head hurts !

Little by little

I love Saturdays. More acurately, I love Saturdays when we stay home. There is something very gratifying about a good days work around the house. I am not sure if I am odd in this way but I prepare for Saturdays with lists of "to do" items and I always seem to have more energy and interest in the Saturday jobs than the during the week jobs.
I was hanging the washing on the verandah where there was a cool breeze, a much welcome breeze in this stinking hot February day. I could hear the mower going off in the distance where Jason was down in the paddock slashing, the girls were happily playing together and I felt happy. I mean like really happy!!
There are so many jobs and projects that we have planned for our new home and I sometimes get impatient and want to do it all NOW!! But little by little we are getting there. Today's big job was to plant some more fruit trees down in the orchard.